Its been so long...

Its been so long since I was last active in blogosphere. I had almost thought I was done with blogging but I think writing is addictive. Once again, after almost 1.5 years, I feel like writing again.
There's nothing much to write about or may be there are some thoughts going on in my not-anymore-hyperactive-but-still-constantly-thinking mind to put down. Honestly, I don't know.
There was a time when I ranted on this blog that I need solutions, I cant keep on ranting..blah blah blah... But post Feb 2015, a lot happened that I feel grateful to this blog. This blog has my journey from someone who had become an angry at everything, constantly crying, utterly pessimistic and unhappy with life & herself to someone who is now stable and content with a lot of things. This blog has my journey, not visible to anyone because it's not in the posts that I published but in the events happened in between known only to me and in some cases, to some people, but mostly only me.
I no more feel the need to be anymore extrovert that I am. Speaking to old friends & being finally in touch with people I once blocked completely from memory & stopped having much contact with, has finally revealed to me that I have finally changed in the way I had set out to change. Things aren't exactly a fairy tale where in the end everything has fallen into place but this is not the end anyway. And I don't care if they will fall into place. I'll try and hopefully, they will.

I clearly remember becoming what kind of a person I had stepped out of college. And to undo what I allowed to happen to myself, the whole lot of steps in no clear direction, moving haphazardly, doing things only 25% of time and involuntarily repenting, thinking over, analysing & crying 75% of time because of the sheer helplessness I would feel simply because 'nothing works', 'what exactly do I need' or 'I wish I could explain', the journey is captured, not fully but somewhat.
Over these last three years, I met some people and I have lost some. But I am optimistic that I would set things right. I don't know what would be the outcome of my tries but I have decided to put forth my side of things. And not aggressively, or because I want to. But because the people are important to me and I would do it as much as I think it is important.
I have changed. Not only from what I was three years back but also from what I was last year. Life came a full circle and clearly my perception has changed. No more sleepless nights. I sleep in peace now. The same with books. I read in peace now. No more need of new people. I connect with ease now. And no more anger at myself, or life, or people. I live in peace now. And no more frustration over I-can't-express now. I usually can, though mostly through writing. But the best part, I know to whom I need to express. I no more feel the need of unnecessary validation. Also no more headaches in the mornings and no more feelings of unworthiness.
For once, I am free from the glitches of the past and looking forward to the challenges of future. 
Once again I am free. Optimistic. 



Its funny that the problems and issues till last last year were mostly my perception, yet I was so afraid. And the issues that persists now, perhaps will continue for the rest of my life, but I am okay. May be I am optimistic or may be I have grown up. Whatever it is, hopefully it is for the best.

This is the last blogpost. I guess I am done with blogging for good!

Comments

  1. SrishTi15 August 2015 at 23:58

    This is so relatable!
    I am so glad you made out of that phase. I am still stuck there though.

    I feel its more or less a play of our thoughts. They just don't stop. But then that's a trait perhaps. We shall overcome :D

    And yes, I wish to read you more. If not here, may be in print? ;)

    ReplyDelete

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