Do U know what do U miss?
Isn’t
it strange? You get a feeling that you have nothing in this world. And at the
same moment You are afraid of losing. Not money, not reputation but something,
something you don’t know but have a feeling that it exists. You can’t name it. Its
just….something. Technically speaking, as cynics would say, you can’t lose
anything if you don’t have anything. But life doesn’t follow any technique or
some Dumb head’s stated facts and theorems. Feelings and thoughts are something
you have no control over. You can divert your mind, but not for long. The deepest
feelings remain. You can’t hide them or hide from them. Its easier to say that
you shouldn’t feel you don’t have something or you should always see glass
half-full. The fact is, Often in life, we do feel something is missing and also sometimes we do feel we don't want to lose you-don't-know-what.
You
can read like maniacs, watch movies like anything, cook to divert mind but it takes
a moment for the feeling to return. It might be a note of music, a phrase from
a book, a dialogue from a movie, which again evokes the same emotion. The same
hollow Void inside you, for no apparent reason. The more you try to indulge in
something else, the more days you are away from it, the more depth and
intensity it will return with.
Painters
paint, Writers write, dancers dance. But what if you don’t know how to paint!
What if you want to write but you don’t have words, Yes a sheer lack of
vocabulary! Its easy to say-learn. Its never too late to learn anything. The
fact is, when you have a thousand images so vivid in your mind that you think
you will explode on the canvas, you can’t go to a class and learn about primary
colors and shapes.
You
can’t always say or write-words fail me. Why? Why do they fail you? Why can’t
we have exact words to express. Its difficult to live with feeling that you don’t
know what is the problem of its reason. Its more difficult when you, kind of,
figure out what is it and then realize you can’t say it as you want, because
the person in front of you can’t understand it. You can’t blame her/him. You can blame nobody but yourself and sometimes, not even yourself!
What I feel- this whole philosophy of
you-should-always-try-to-see-glass-half-full is a bull shit. No, I am not
saying we should behave like pessimists. Hope is something we ultimately
find solace in. But I don't feel when people say its human nature to
desire everything and that is the cause of his problems. Its our greed. I don't think so. Infact, people who say this have a big fundamental belief
wrong that all human need same things. By believing this, they make
the biggest fool of themselves or the people they advise. No two human can need
the same things. So I hate when people say you have this and this and this,
you are just letting your heart greed more when it doesn't need
more. It does. Nobody is mad to keep on suffering if there was to be no reason.
There has to be. Infact I think we need just a few things in order to live happily.
It will be different for X, Y & Z. Do you know what are the few things that
you dearly love and need or you, too, are chasing mere illusions? Do you know, what do you miss???
(c)2012 Priyaa Arora
(Image from google)
Quite a thoughtful post Priyaa. I agree with you on almost the whole of it. I sometimes realize why I read so much, it takes my mind off those very things I don't want to think about. But you know, it helps. Yes you do get those empty feelings in between, but if you don't distract yourself at all, those feelings are more. So I think the distraction is better. :)
ReplyDeleteYou say words fail you. I know how it is. It's very frustrating, especially when you really want to bring it out as you want. Who cares about a good vocab? I don't have one, I prefer to use the simplest of words. I sometimes wish I had a nice vocab, but yes I'm learning. And by the time this 'learning' is going on, I'm still writing it simple. It's the best. What you've written here is so pure and true! I love it! :)
Keep Writing! :)
Ofcourse it helps..thats why i also read a lot. You know I have just started reading in 2012 (yes, begun) and have already reached AYN RAND. Reading helps, writing helps!!
DeleteEven I use simple words and would like to keep it like that in both poems and posts but sometime its frustrating when you don't get the exact one!
I am also learning. everyday. many things. But the painting thing is so damn frustrating, I can't tell.
PS- I always wondered whether you read my posts. Thanks for reading and leaving this comment!!
Love,
Priyaa :-)
Wow, quite an insightful post Priyaa. Looking forward to read more like these!
ReplyDeleteThanks Medha :) Someimes you just have to write out otherwise the mind would burst!! :P
Delete