Words that were not said, but understood!!!

*FICTION*

I was going through all the messages and chats we had shared just a month back. How things change I wonder!! Re-reading them was like going through many emotions. Those lines still gave me the same smile, same laughter the way they had given me a month before or so. Though yes, this time, those were accompanied by a li'l sadness and a wish. A part of me still wished if it could be continued, if we could take it further. A wish that at least it should not have ended so abruptly like this.

He thought for a while and thought about calling her. Perhaps he could change this. There was no point in continuing but he was feeling a turbulence inside him. He had always felt something different about her. After his previous relationship which ended on a bitter note, he came across somebody different. The reason why they became friends and then why he chose to end everything were unknown to him. It started all of a sudden and then ended. He knew he had his 'be practical' reasons but still....still there were some answers to be found. 

He opened the mails once again and saw how he had always been sweet to her, teasing her and then slowly as days progressed in last months, he chose to avoid. For no reason but he started to be at a distance.

I wonder if I was confused or what. I still am. The relationship has no future but then, both of us just wanted a mere friendship. Perhaps more than a 'mere' friendship. I wonder why I didnt go further. We had talked, even argued n fought twice. But should I have let a small thing affect me so much.

Ain't I impulsive too? Don't I react like that sometimes. Perhaps not with her but have I never reacted impulsively with anybody. What exactly made me angry with her? Was it anger? Or was it a sheer disappointment that once again, once again someone failed to understand me or so I thought? But was it fair to expect a lot from someone in such short span of time. But then why, why she never asked much about my past. Was she not interested?  And was it really bothering me that she didn't much want to explore my past, my feelings, my emotions. Now I wonder---wasn't she right when told me that I haven't moved on. If not asking on her part had affected me this much, of course I haven't moved on. Does it mean that she did  understand  a bit of me, only that I wasn't aware. 

For a moment he felt like calling her. He held the phone but instead dialed his best friend's no. But he hung up immediately. He was feeling  a sudden outburst of emotions and he didn't  know how to express it. The emotions weren't for her but rather a frustration because once again he wasn't able to understand himself.

Have I really arrived at the same  labyrinth of emotions I thought I had moved out of, long back.

He went to the kitchen where his mom was putting the leftovers back into the refrigerator. He was always close to his mom but deep inside he was an introvert. Always looking for companionship. Sometimes he too wondered why?

"Hey Son! Din't sleep??"
"Na! wasn’t feeling sleepy. Came here for a glass of water"
"New job!" she smiled, "Excitement or nervousness?"
"Both mom. Both. I'll miss everything."

He helped his mom with the last bowl and filled his glass of water. Both of them smiled and he went back to his room. In moments of introspection, he had always found solace in music. True, sometimes, some songs describe our situation so beautifully that even we cannot explain it in a better way, even to ourselves. Some note, some line would stay with us and suit us so aptly that it is difficult not to feel  a painful vibe at that particular note of music or on that particular line. He played the same song on a loop and kept hearing it.

All this while he was logged in on facebook and shared the song on his timeline as he always did with his favorite songs.

*******

She didn't know why she still re-read the chats they had. He had always made her smile and the chats still did very much the same.

I think I miss him.

Even though it was she who always used to be scared of relationships and had always just wanted to know him better and just be friends. But today she was missing him. Her brother always used to tell her right that it always takes her time to know her real feelings. She couldn't yet say she loved him or anything of that sort, they hadn't been together for long and most importantly they didn't meet much. It couldn't be yet called a relationship at all but both of them had felt a companionship when in each other's company. She knew there couldn't be any promise or commitment at this point of time where he was starting  a new life far from here, nor did she want it. But she was becoming surer than ever that she would miss him, no matter for how much short span of time they knew each other.

It hurt her a bit when she realised everything, but she moved on. Quickly. She had had her share of unfulfilled crushes and some times more than crushes in her past. She had passed through a tough phase concerning a lot many other things in life but tough time had made her a bit strong. 

I wish he hadn't ended it abruptly like that but it’s okay. I always felt a bond existed between us. Perhaps more than friendship. But its okay. But yes, I wish we could communicate. Not directly. I don’t want a conversation in words. I think words are always misleading. I think you say it best, when you say nothing at all. And perhaps he thinks the same. I don't know how will it happen but I have left it on God. I understand and I let him go from my mind and my heart. I can never "let" him go from my life, for he was never "in" my life.

She just received a mail from one of the editor of the online magazine that the current month's issue is out and her poem is on page 52. The same poem she had written a week back and submitted. Of course, she was delighted. She shared the link on facebook with the tagline "Yay! I am in print."

*******

He was scrolling through news feed when he found the link to magazine. He opened the link and the poem read:

Letting go...

I hear the forced ease in his voice
And perhaps I understand now,
So I choose to let it go...

You meet someone and see a reflection of your soul
And all you want, is to know him better,
To speak, to tell, to hear
Without any commitment, any promise.
But sometimes, the other person has his doubts
The other person has his fears
So I choose to let it go....

Destiny is what makes two souls meet
But we choose who we want in life
And who we do not,
When he has made a decision,
I must respect that.
So, I choose to let him go.....

And I know,
I have a life to live,
And not just live but live to the fullest,
So I choose to let him go
And live his dreams
And I'll live mine.

Coz this time I cant afford to lose myself
For anything, any place, any expectation or anyone,
For any regrets
And keep faith
That whatever happens, happens for the best.
So I choose to let him go....

He read the poem and immediately understood it was written for him. They hadn't communicated personally all this while yet this poem said everything. 

After a while, he "liked" and wrote to her, “Congratulations Shikha, the poem is touching. U write well. Keep going. All the best in life! :) "

She read the 'comment' and smiled..

"Thanks Armaan. :) for ur wishes. All the best to you too.!!", She replied.

 (c) Priyaa Arora

The poem written above is the same in the previous post. I had scribbled while thinking of a situation and felt tempted to created a story around it. I hope you like it. Do leave a comment. :-)

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This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda