First, 2014!

Well honestly I should be writing a happy post. Why? Because New Year's eve just went by and yesterday was my Bday but I'm in a bit introspective and contemplative mood today so something happy or funny is out of question. So, basically, read at your own risk :P

New Years eve was quiet. Well, that does not mean we did not celebrate it. The wishes took place among friends and relatives through phones and messages. And actually it was a fun start this year, coz we laughed a lot in the first two hours of 2014. ;-)
I blabbered a lot in front of someone who I had actually called up to share something else with, but just because I can't even bring myself to express anything clearly, I blabbered things I don't even know what. I just know that there is no hope for me.

B'day!
B'day was good. Although this year also, it was almost going to be a quiet bday but thanks to the fact that my sister is married now and doesn't live very far, they (dee & jiju) actually came at night and I cut the cake at sharp 12. Small things do make you happy, I realise. Okay, for those who think its fairly normal that cake-cutting takes place with family at 12, so to clarify, I too (like Preetika) belong to a family where B'days have always been like any other days (except from something delicious that mom makes on Bdays or calls from relatives, friends) & the family does not believe in much celebrations (things are changing now. I am glad :P ), thus it was lovely to do so.
In the afternoon, my younger cousin came to wish me and since we actually started seeing my dee's wedding album, she stayed for long and before she could go, another cousin came, with another cake :D, and then actually my grandma also came, so coincidentally it quite became a celebration and atleast it was not a boring day.
It's quite ironical that how life changes you. I had always been a person who was not quite big on celebrations. To be honest, I have not always celebrated b'days. I, infact, have been aloof from bday celebrations for some years now. Part of it because I was tired of people and part of it because I was tired of myself! There is no further explanation that I can give to myself or anyone who cares to know. Analyzing past decisions leave me exhausted to an extent I can't explain. Atleast, I can't do this alone. But last year changed me completely and now, no matter how skeptical I am, I just know that if you can steal some moments of celebrations for any day be it new year, b'day, friendship day, celebrate it. Even if the celebration only keeps you busy, celebrate it.
The fact I like about this bday that none of the wish that I got was phony or superficial or something where someone did it out of obligation. And also, I think for the first time I am clear where anyone stands for me in my life an where I stand for them in their life. Though I am sounding like a cynical, I am a little contended with this.

New Year Resolutions:
The things I have decided are not exactly new year resolutions but I think new year gives you a nice reason to list them down. Also, enough being skeptical about everything in life including resolutions, I am ready to give anything a chance.
1) Stop justifying things to everybody and myself: I have really developed an OCD where I feel compulsively obligated to give reasons, justifications to everyone including myself.
2) To write more and not being reluctant to post it here.
3) To ask for help whenever required; only for things, interests, hobbies etc and never in emotions.
4) To try to eat even when I don't want to, to dance, to talk it out with a friend when it gets out of control & I can't write it down & even if my breathing becomes heavy while trying to explain and if nothing like that happens, I would kill myself because there is no option.
5) To read 24 books. Two books in a month shouldn't be tough I suppose.
6) Rubics cube! Ha! I will.
7) To think less & be more upfront. Being quiet & passive has done no good so far, lets see how bad now things would get?
8) To not leave things in between, no matter how exhausting it is emotionally .

And yes, none of this is gonna happen, I assure you that.

PS: giving this post a title is just too pathetic!

Comments

  1. Ashna 8 January 2014 at 00:01

    Hie!!

    This wasn't as moody as you warned us about :P Glad to have read it. I was never too big on bday celebrations either, especially from the family's side. Little gestures they do are more than enough to make you feel awesome! :D Friends sometimes, though, can surprise u anytime *_*

    Good luck for all your resolutions! :D

    I agree with the 'not justifying to anybody' point. I'm going to adopt that too. :P
    And wait, what? If nothing like that happens, you'd kill yourself? -_- Really? Is explaining yourself or just expressing yourself the way to satisfaction? Come on, you are smarter than this.

    Be upfront yes, read good books super-yes, not leave things yes, I just hope and wish for all the positives to be a big yes for you. Stay smiling, your smile is infectious! ^_^ And stay away from stupid thoughts. Life's so much more than just an ability (or the lack of it) to express yourself -_-

    Have a great 2014 and I hope you find yourself better, you have amazing time with amazing friends and laugh a lot! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Priya Arora8 January 2014 at 15:16

      Really, I overthink I guess :P (Actually I am sure)
      Thank you :*
      And next time, you are going to listen to me, so that I do not have to think of it, you'd have to assure me and you would not tell me that I overthink -_- (You can later roll your eyes and think freely that I overthink :P )
      Thanks and same to you! And for sure, I am gonna laugh and make you too laugh more ;-) :-)

      Delete

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